


i cannot stop, i cannot cry (i will not fret, i will not die)

by unsaved_misc



Series: cryptid au [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Ghost Seer! Carson, Happy Ending, M/M, Stabbing, Vampire! Matt, Vomiting, Werewolf! Ryan, Witch! Jackson, Witch! Matt, although that last one doesn't really apply here, cryptid AU, dw guys he's okay, hand holding, im not sure what else to tag lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26761846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: matt has never, never felt pain like this before. yeah, he’s been punched, thrown, stabbed with a fork, and even had ryan drop the new air conditioner on his foot, but none of that hurt like this. he knew why. it was as simple as looking down at his chest, where a thick, splintered piece of wood stood out.
Series: cryptid au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950115
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	i cannot stop, i cannot cry (i will not fret, i will not die)

**Author's Note:**

> HEEYYYYY IM SO PROUD OF THIS >:D this is for my cryptid au on tumblr!! i had a lot of fun drawing this and my first goretober drawing happened to be for this exact fic :) ive been practicing with angst lately n really enjoying it, so i hope u enjoy this too!

matt can’t remember who did it. that’s the weird part: when you’re attacked, isn’t the attacker’s face the first thing you remember? the one thing you hold onto? he remembers one thing: watching crime shows with ryan, how the victim would always describe the attacker in great detail, rocking back and forth on their hospital bed and tears welling in their eyes. ryan always made fun of it. matt is trying desperately to piece things together, eyes squinting up at the wintry dark as he attempts to think. it’s hard to have coherent thoughts when you’re in severe pain. matt has never, never felt pain like this before. yeah, he’s been punched, thrown, stabbed with a fork, and even had ryan drop the new air conditioner on his foot, but none of that hurt like this. he knew why. it was as simple as looking down at his chest, where a thick, splintered piece of wood stood out.  
that was the only funny part. whoever attacked him had missed. instead of stabbing him in the heart, which was a guaranteed kill, they’d stabbed him toward the bottom of his ribs, in his stomach. that meant one of two things: they were either inexperienced, or they were in a hurry. matt was surprised he’d put that together with his muddled brain, but before he could congratulate himself, he felt another shooting pain and winced. 

he’s not an expert in this, even though he should be, considering he’s a vampire. there’s no handbook to what vampires are allergic to - just bullshit online articles or quotev quizzes made by fourteen year olds - and usually it’s just an experiment to see what will kill you. matt is thinking too fast. ‘what did that person look like, i can’t remember if i’m supposed to pull the stake out or leave it in, what causes me to bleed out, i can’t remember-’ he should at least try to pull it out. he attempts to sit up from his half-slumped position at the base of the tree he’s leaning against, feeling the cold of the snow underneath him seeping into his clothes. wait. no. he should call for help first.  
matt has practiced it with jackson before: the emergency spell. it basically involved sending a homing signal of your current location, and you only used it if you were in real danger. matt is weak, but he can at least try. he closes his eyes, muttering latin under his breath.  
“audite me nunc, amice, aut ego mox in occursum meum finem.” he says it quietly, hoarse, surprised at how weak his voice sounds. he raises his hands over his head, takes in a deep breath, and casts the spell. it feels like the air has been taken out of his lungs. matt gasps, his body involuntarily lurching forward before falling back against the tree, his eyes fluttering closed. it worked, but he feels like his eyelids are being weighed down, and that scares him.

“no, no, fuck, wake up-” he urges, trying to sit up again. the other symptoms are starting now: cold sweats that dampen his skin, shivers coursing through his body, blood finally beginning to seep from the wound. vampires never bleed, so matt knows this is bad. he needs to get the stake out, now.  
“god, just fucking- just do it, you pussy.” he snaps at himself, gripping the stake with both hands. “just...just take it out.” he braces himself before he tugs, and he screams. it’s guttural and helpless, echoing within the bare trees of the woods, birds flying away from the sudden sound. his pale fingers are trembling, and he’s sobbing, but he needs to pull it out. he tugs again, and one more time, and he vomits.

-

jackson jolts awake, screaming. his entire body spasms with pain, for a split second, before it fades away. but something stays. it’s a place, somewhere dark and snowy, hidden beneath a thicket of trees, and he can see matt there. well, sort of; it’s more like the essence of matt there, but nothing has been concrete or pieced together. the other thing jackson notices is that matt is in pain. it’s a dull throbbing in his stomach that tells him matt has been stabbed, and he kicks off his bedsheets, scrambling down the stairs and almost falling down them. he sees ryan and carson eating popcorn in the living room, and he can barely catch his breath before he screams, “matt is in danger!” carson jolts, dropping his popcorn onto the floor, but jackson isn’t paying attention, already getting his coat and shoes.  
“what?” ryan asked, turning around with an eyebrow raised, hair ruffled and messy. jackson swallows the bile coming up in his throat, his heart going at a million miles an hour.  
“it’s matt. he...he sent me a message while i was sleeping. he’s in danger. i think he’s dying.” jackson’s voice is trembling as he gets the words out, because he doesn’t want to believe them. carson and ryan stand instantly, but ryan is still sceptical. maybe he doesn’t want to believe it either.  
“are you sure?”  
“yes. he gave me a location and i can feel him and- that doesn’t matter. we need to go now!” jackson urged, and carson tripped over himself to get his coat. “ryan, i need you to transform so you can search for him faster. i’ll show you where he is.”

ryan nods, his face stony. jackson walks over to him quickly, and he clears his throat before performing the spell, knowing they don’t have much time. he takes ryan’s hand, and touches it to his head, and he watches the information dawn on ryan’s face. ryan hardly hesitates, making a break for the back door and swinging it open before he runs out into the snow. jackson sees carson rushing toward him then, and he can practically feel the anxiety that the boy is radiating.  
“he’ll be okay, carson. we just need to be fast. he’s in the woods behind the house, come on.” he takes carson’s hand, and they go out into the cold night.

-

matt feels like this is the end. he’s terrified, but he can’t even stay anxious when his body hurts so much, dark black blood sinking into the snow. he thought it looked pretty, if only it wasn’t his own. he knows that his spell worked, but he can’t remember how far away he is from the house, and he doesn’t know if jackson will be able to get there fast enough. it’s been snowing ever since he’s been out here, and his hair is dotted with snowflakes, his black jean jacket speckled with white. at least his final moments will be pretty. that’s all he could ask for, really, except he wishes ryan was here with him. and jackson, and carson, and maybe even harry. matt closes his eyes again because it feels good, and he presses his cheek against the snow.  
but he hears something loud and thundering, and he wants to tell whoever it is to shut up so he can sleep, but then he feels something fuzzy rub against his face. opening his eyes, he sees a gigantic wolf, dark grey with yellow eyes.  
“h-hah, you look like ryan.” matt mumbles, and the wolf just nuzzles his face again, warmth radiating from it’s fur. time passes by, unknown to matt of how long, before he hears movement again, and when he opens his eyes, it’s ryan. his hair is dark and dotted with snow, and he looks panicked and relieved at the same time.  
“matt. matt, wake up.” ryan’s voice sounds clogged like he’s trying not to cry, but ryan never cries. matt’s never seen it before.  
“‘m awake.” matt mumbles, eyes lidded and tear-streaked. “wh...when did you get here?”  
“that doesn’t matter. it just matters that i get you to safety, okay?”

matt nods, but he can’t remember what ryan just asked him. he feels warm hands slide underneath him and he’s being lifted up, and that’s when the pain comes back, along with his coherent thoughts. he yelps, writhing in pain, and ryan mumbles apologies over and over.  
“ryan, ryan, please, it hurts-” matt cries, gripping onto ryan so hard that he leaves claw marks. ryan nods, trying to keep his composure but ultimately failing.  
“i know, i know. don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” he starts walking, and matt fades again.

-

“oh my god, oh my fucking god, jackson-”  
“carson, don’t panic. he’s gonna be fine.”  
“no, no, no, he’s bleeding everywhere and it’s just-”  
matt struggled to open his eyes, which felt like more of a chore than anything, blinking to sudden warmth and blinding light.  
“jackson, he’s awake!” carson exclaimed, and matt felt a warm hand slip into his cold one. that woke him up a bit, his eyes squinting to see three faces peering above him.  
“matt, can you hear me?” jackson’s voice asked, and matt nodded, too tired to say anything. jackson let out a sigh of relief, and he waved something over matt’s face, something that smelled charred and crisp. birch bark. matt remembered it had healing, protective properties, that jackson had showed him a page in one of his many leather-bound books. it was good he was remembering things, right?  
“j-jackson.” matt spoke, and he felt something hot come up his throat, turning his head to cough up blood. he could hear carson whimper and felt the hand in his squeeze tighter.  
“yeah?” jackson replied, dabbing at matt’s mouth with a tissue. matt swallowed down the blood and bile coming up in his throat and took in a shuddering breath.  
“is it out?”  
“it is. i’ve taken out the splinters, too. all that’s left is just to give you some medicine and attempt a healing spell.” he paused, turning to look at carson. “could you get me the hawthorn berries? they’re small and red, kinda like tiny tomatoes.”  
“i don’t wanna leave him.” carson mumbled, and looking at him, matt could see his face was streaked with tears and his nose was bright red.  
“carson, he’ll be right here when you get back, okay?” jackson assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. carson hesitated, looking down at matt, before nodding and leaving the room. matt’s hand felt cold. 

“i’m gonna try that healing spell i did on isabella when she was poisoned. because it’s...the stake is kinda like a poison, right? i’ve gotten it all out of your system but now i just have to fix the wound.” jackson sounded worried, but matt knew he could do it. jackson was a natural-born witch, who came from a long lineage of witches in the family. it was how he inherited the big, victorian house with the greenhouse and the graveyard included, and it was why most of his spells worked on their first try compared to matt. matt learned from jackson, mainly, and that gave matt faith that jackson could do this.  
“okay. i trust you.” matt replied. jackson smiled.  
“should i do anything else?” ryan asked, and matt had almost forgotten he was there. matt wanted to reach out for him but he felt so, so tired.  
“no, i’ve got this covered. just make sure matt is breathing.” jackson startled mumbling things about the ingredients he needed, or the steps he needed to take, while matt changed his focus to ryan.  
“hey.” ryan said.  
“hi.” matt replied.  
“how does it feel?” ryan asked, reaching a hand up to smooth back matt’s hair. matt wanted to close his eyes but he was scared about what would happen if he did, so he kept them open.  
“bad. not as bad as before, but bad. ‘m hungry, too.” he swallowed, and his throat felt dry.  
“i get it. you lost so much blood that you need more. we’ll get you some once you feel better.” ryan smiled, but it faded. “you looked like you were in so much pain. the way you screamed, i just couldn’t...nevermind. either way, you’re gonna get fixed up and i’m right here with you.” he grinned. 

something about the way ryan smiled, how genuine it seemed and the way his dark brown eyes grew a little bit lighter, made matt feel safe. like he’d pull through and be okay. he smiled back, and it hurt, but at the same time, it didn’t. did that make sense? his thoughts were still jumbled. carson had come back into the room, holding a jar of hawthorn berries and still sniffling. jackson thanked him and took the jar away, and carson came back over to matt to hold his hand again.

“are you okay?” carson asked, and his voice was hoarse from crying. matt felt bad for him, being so worried. he just nodded, attempting the smile again. it was easier this time.  
“mm hm. i’m gonna be okay, carson.” he squeezed the boy’s hand, and carson squeezed back, chewing his bottom lip. it was a waiting game, then, as ryan and carson talked to matt while jackson fixed up a solution. matt could feel himself drifting a little, the pain starting to throb a little more, when jackson had finally finished.  
“okay.” he said with a tone of stress in his voice, setting the two substances down on the counter (matt had just realized he was on the kitchen counter, which he thought was a strange place to be set down). “i’ve got a paste to clear up the wound, and i’ve got a potion that should clear out your system. the unfortunate part is that it’ll make you vomit, and it’ll make you really, really hungry. okay?” jackson spoke with the professionalism of a doctor, something matt never heard in his voice unless it was an emergency.  
“okay.” even if matt was scared of vomiting, it beat dying by a landslide. ryan helped him sit up slowly, a hand of support on his back, and carson squeezed his hand tight again. matt coughed a little more, but no blood this time. that seemed positive.

jackson held the jar of clear liquid up to his lips, tilting it gingerly until matt drank about half of what was inside. matt felt it starting to come back up, and jackson had a bowl ready for him. matt could feel ryan’s hand on his back and carson’s hand in his own, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles, and things didn’t seem so scary. once he was done retching, wiping his mouth with the back of his free hand, jackson set the bowl away and grabbed the paste.  
“that should do it. ryan, get the bandages.” he ordered, and ryan nodded, walking to the cabinets above the sink. jackson, who had already lifted up matt’s sweater, started applying the paste to matt’s wound. it stung a bit, mainly because of how cold it was, but matt just held onto carson and let jackson do his work. soon enough, jackson had finished, wiping his hands on a rag and wrapping up matt’s wound with a bandage.  
“okay. the pain should be gone in around 10 minutes and i’ll give you some more tomorrow.” jackson assured him, smiling and patting his arm. matt nodded, breathing a sigh of relief and letting his shoulders relax. he could hear carson’s heart beating, feel the pulse through his arm, and he knew he was hungry.

“i th-think i need-”  
“gotcha. wait here.” jackson left the room, and matt could hear the garage door being opened. ryan was by his side again, a hand on the back of his neck and stroking his hair.  
“told you that we’d get you fixed up.” he said, and matt smiled softly.  
“thank you, ryan. without you, i’d probably be...yeah.” matt didn’t feel like saying much else, but ryan didn’t seem to mind.  
“of course, dude. i’d never let that happen to you. you mean a lot to me.” ryan’s voice sounded choke up again, and matt knew he wouldn’t see a vulnerable side to ryan like this for a very long time. he just sighed, leaning into ryan’s chest and closing his eyes. he could feel ryan’s heartbeat but he tried to ignore it, feeling the pain in his ribs start to dissipate. it must’ve been about five minutes before jackson came back, and as soon as matt saw the blood, he could feel his own heart racing. he reached out for it, grabbing the bag and the small bendy straw jackson had gave him, and he began to drink.  
blood didn’t really have a particular taste to matt, but it felt like drinking something cold on a hot day, when the air is so dry that you can’t even sweat. not that matt sweats anymore, anyway. he drank more than half before he set it down, feeling his body start to go back to normal again. he leaned back into ryan, holding onto his arm, feeling the warmth of his body against his cold one.  
“you sleepy?” ryan asked, and matt felt the hand in his hair again. he hummed, nodding, and he felt ryan pick him up again. when he opened his eyes again, he was laying on the couch against ryan, who was staring down at matt with a protective look.

“you know you can sleep, matt. you’re safe.” ryan assured him, and matt nodded. one thing had been on his mind, though.  
“i know. i just...i can’t remember who did this to me, y’know? i don’t know what happened. and that scares me.” he was fidgeting with his fingers, fighting the drowsiness. ryan just nodded, brow furrowed, thinking of what to say before he finally spoke up.  
“then we won’t go anywhere alone. we’ll stick together, make sure you’re safe. if they come back, we’ll be ready, and maybe they won’t come back at all. maybe they thought they finished the job.” he shrugged, and matt wondered how he could be so calm about all this. but, matt was exhausted, and ryan’s rumbly voice made him even sleepier, so he just nodded in reply.  
“okay. i trust you.” he said quietly, and ryan smiled, gently carding his fingers through matt’s hair. matt wanted to say something else, but he could feel the sleep tugging at his eyes, the pain finally out of his system, and he let himself drift off. he deserved it after today.

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you thought of this!! i love y'all :'(


End file.
